The Ringer
by Stupendo
Summary: A strange morning at the camp of our heros. Mild slash / major stupidity. An improv story with three authors.
1. the ringer

The Ringer

  
  
  
  


It was early morning in the calm, quiet forest when Legolaze awoke, to a rather fat chicken sitting on top of his head. He cursed the foul fowl away, then sat up and looked across the camp to see Strider, attempting to pull down a branch from high up in a tree. Unfortunately Strider's balance plain sucks and he came crashing down though the branches, to land on his head.( Oh well no harm done there).

"Oh no !" Frodo cried, as he watched him fall. " He ran towards the tree gayly, (as only a hobbit can) " Oh Stridey....speak to moi!" he shook the unmoving lump that was....er use to be Strider.

Meanwhile Legolaze, having watched the whole bizarre affair, turned his attention to the campfire. There, a certain red haired dwarf was cooking breakfast for the troop. In this rugged and desolate wood, it was a struggle to find food, the great warriors had to use their wits to stay alive. They ate what all battle hardened warriors, ( and certain bachelors)ate. Spagettio's.

Legolaze caught the heavenly aroma of tomato sauce, and was up and on his feet in a flash.

"Gimli ! I love you!!" He screamed running down the hill towards him. He jumped into the surprised dwarfs arms. "Kiss me you fool" Gimli gave the elf a strange look before dropping him to the dirt. 

"What do you think your doing , you tree hugging pansy? We need to get moving. Into the caves. " 

"And" Legolaze grinned " we need to wear these !" He pulled out some frilly undergarments. 

"Whaaaaat?" Gimli groaned in protest.

"They will help us to steal the chocolate sauce we need to assure victory over....um...over that guy...that ring guy you know what's his name?"

Gimli gave an exasperated look. Legolaze glared back, giving a hurt look, and pouting. "How can you think I'm a tree hugging pansy. You can't mean that ! I thought you loved me.."he cried.

  
  


(Insert much sobbing and boo whooing)

  
  


"Alright alright geez" Gimli, sighed.

Legolaze perked up, "you mean you'll wear it ? great !" He grabbed one of the lacey garments and put it on his friend. "Voila !! What do ya think?"

"Acck too tight too tight!! Gimli wailed clutching his crotch as he keeled over. 

"Funny I don't seem to have that problem." Legolaze pondered.

"Oh no!" Frodo came dashing down the hill, his arms waving about him. "Legolaze, with Strider dead and Gimli..er....um...busy at the moment . We need a new plan to defeast Sauron !!"

"No problem" Legolaze grinned "My plan is simple. First we steal his boots.. then we put bengay inside his jockstrap."

"..and if that doesn't work?" Frodo asked.

"Then .....we can hug tree together forever..." 

  
  


fin

  
  



	2. The tree hugging sequel

The Tree hugging sequel !!!!!

  
  
  
  


Legolaze stood frozen to the spot. He had asked Gimlee if he could borrow his tap shoes, and the red haired dwarf had replied "no I need then to defeat the mutant, hedge trimmers, Aurgone lost."

Legolaze crossed his arms, "I think that is a stupid plan"

"Really? Well I think you're a complete twit !" Gimlee snapped, glaring at the elf.

"Hmmph!!" Legolaze pouted "At least the trees love me!!!" He cried glomping on to one.

"Um..ok" Frodo blinked.

Aurgone snorted "ok...un.. Legolaze, I know elves are weird and all but your fooling around with a douglas fir is really starting to creep me out!" 

"YA big time..." Frodo nodded.

"But Mr. Frodo sir, I wanna hug some trees with Mr. Legolaze" Sam whined. 

Frodo turned to look at Sam in silence.

"Well it was just a thought " Sam shrugged. " well can I wear a pair of purple briefs then, surely that will stand out"

Frodo laughed " Sure Sam, if you can find a pair of purple briefs you can wear them. But come on where in the middle of this desolate, battle ridden hell hole are you gonna find a pair of purple undies?...."

All heads turn to Legolaze.

"What?" The elf looked up innocently. 

".........."

"Oh fine then!!!!" Legolaze cried as he pulled out a pair of frilly underwear from his pack and passed it to Sam.

Sam cried out in delight.

"I don't believe it" Aurgone groaned.

"Legolaze!!" Frodo protested.

"Look out!!" A voice called.

"What?", they all turned to see Boromir running up the hillside.

"I said there's a possessed crayon coming up behind you look out!!"

Gimlee turned to see Legolaze being beaten senseless by an evil pink crayon.

"My god !!" he screamed "What are you doing to the tree hugging freak you...unn....freak !!

  
  
  
  
  
  


stay tooned for next chapter !!


End file.
